Techniques with the Four Goals of Misbehavior

Attention: The child’s mistaken belief is that he/she belongs only when he/she is receiving attention.
These children seek attention actively and passively.(examples: Actively-Pestering you when you are on the phone. Passively-Not doing a task that they know needs to be done.) The most common parental responses include: scolding, lecturing, and nagging. All of these parental responses encourage further use of the behavior.**REMEMBER: Negative attention is better than NO attention.** Dreikurs believed that 90% of misbehavior is for attention.
Things to Try:
1. Ignore (whenever possible)
2. Set aside some time for some 1-on-1 daily. (I know this may be difficult but it does not have to be for a long period of time and may make a significant difference. If the child knows that they will have your undivided attention at some point during the day, he/she may not feel driven to get it through misbehavior.)
3. Praise appropriate behavior (This gives the child attention and encourages more positive behavior in the future)

Power: The child’s mistaken belief is that he/she only counts when he/she holds the power.
Power struggles may appear when the child’s goal for attention is not being met.
Things to Try:
1. Avoid fighting and/or giving in (remove self from conflict if possible)
2. Act don’t talk
3. Try giving limited choices
4. When possible and appropriate discuss behavior and possible solutions to the problem

Revenge: The child feels hurt and his/her mistaken belief is he/she will gain importance by hurting others.
Hurting others frequently leads to more feelings of discouragement and this child may very easily get caught up in a cyclical pattern.
Things to Try:
1. DO NOT retaliate if you desire to break the cycle
2. Build a friendship
3. Help nurture a better opinion of self
4. Logical consequences for misbehavior

Displays of Inadequacy: The child’s mistaken belief is that it’s easier to give up than to fail over and over again.
This child has given up all of hope of success and tries to keep parents/teachers/peers from expecting anything from him/her. This child is extremely discouraged.
Things to Try:
1. Recognize and appreciate all and any success (no matter how small)
2. Be encouraging and show faith in the child
3. Give tasks that you know he/she can achieve
Keep in mind that children are not aware of why they are making these decisions. These decisions are made due to their desire to belong and feel significant. All human beings desire a sense of belonging. When children feel they belong and they “count”, they feel safe and secure. It’s these feelings of safety that lead to the ability to thrive. When children feel they don’t belong and aren’t significant, they find ways through defensive behavior/misbehavior to help maintain their goals.